1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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