he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
