i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
