If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
