The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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