I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
