dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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