Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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