fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Randomize
