maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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