yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I understand Curling. That high.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
