he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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