I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
