god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
