Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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