I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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