nut hugger
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I checked into jail on foursquare
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
