Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
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