Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
