Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
