I faked an abortion last night.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
