Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
