Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I am one with the molecules
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
