She tied me up with her honor cords...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
