i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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