i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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