For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
