Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
