I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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