Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
