That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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