dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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