yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
