"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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