I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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