yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
