The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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