8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
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