He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
