cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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