he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
