bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
