i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
