Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
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