guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
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