sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
be right there i have to get my cape
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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