We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
