This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
