Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
