Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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