just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
