I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
