babies were throwing up all over the place
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
