I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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