he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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